New Woman

So tomorrow I am having three different procedures done for this stupid infertility.  I have to say that I am kind of nervous even though it won't be that big of a deal.  I have never had to be cut open before!  My recovery time is two days and I will be back to work on Tuesday.  I know this sounds weird but I almost want them to find something so that we can find a cause for the reason we are not getting pregnant and fix it.  I can't believe that it has been almost two years we have been trying.  I know deep in my heart that I will be pregnant some day but I am really sick of other people telling me "it will happen" or "it will happen when you least expect it".  The latter of these two phrases really makes me laugh because I know that there will never be time when I am not expecting it!!!  I am going to think about it people.  I want to be a mom more than anything in this world.  Not thinking about it is out of the question.
I am definitely trying to stay busy by doing community theatre and bible study but just because I am busy with other things does not mean that I am not still thinking about getting pregnant.  I know that people are probably sick of hearing me talk about it, and believe me I am sick of going through it.  Every month I am not pregnant I feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into this hole.  I have done a lot better job of trying to stay positive but I can't help but feel broken inside.
My husband told me the other day that he has noticed a change in me since I have started going to bible study.  He said that I am much more peaceful.  That made my whole day because that is exactly what I am striving to be.  Learning more about the women that God wants me to be has been an awesome experience and I have all the women in my bible study and my mother-in-law to thank for that.  I feel like my new journey with Christ is like a new beginning in my life.  I am thinking about being baptized soon and that also makes me very excited.  I was baptized when I was 21 at a church I was attending in college but I now realize that I didn't get baptized for the right reasons.  Now I know that I want to continue on this spiritual journey for the rest of my life and I am in it for me and no one else.
Sorry if any of that sounds cheesy to any of you (believe me I never thought I would ever blog about God and christianity) but my life has been changed and I can't help but rejoice and share my joy with everyone.